I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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