Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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