She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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