I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
