playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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