Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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