whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
