He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just want to make out with him forever
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize