If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
