I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
