After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
