hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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