I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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