A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize