WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
