He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
