Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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