my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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