I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize