my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
