Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
