I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She bit a glass in half.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
