Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
