life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
