goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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