if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
