Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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