Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
