Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
