we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize