you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we're chasing vodka with high fives
home. puking in laundry basket.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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