you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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