he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
