I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
