I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
