Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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