I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize