stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
