You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
