just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i need some magic done to my vagina
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
