big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
