I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
