I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
