i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
