guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
