so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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