I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
