I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize