someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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