I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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