Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
