I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
