So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
