This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
my liver is dry heaving
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
