I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
