Can i not drive my cunt home
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
