Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
