I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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