Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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