The maid of honor just puked.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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