So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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