Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
