I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
