i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize