Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
