So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
